Humor
by Tonks32
Summary: Who says you can't find it in the mist of battle? Just a short and very rough I idea I got after watching WAY TOO much Farscape. T only for language.


Warning this is very rough. It's choppy and well just horrible but I'm trying to get over my writers block. I was watching Farscape all weekend (I'm ten years late but its a great show) and the things Aeryn and John say and do remind me of Shepard and Ashley. So this is what came out. Enjoy and again it's a very rough snippet.

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"Joker." Shepard barked into the comm leaning to peer over the side of the crates. Where in the hell were they coming from? It just seemed like there was some type of vortex that kept spitting out creepers left and right.

"Kind of busy Commander." Joker retorted his voice breaking as the strength of the signal weakened.

The further they went beneath the station the more cut off they were becoming. Shepard had no idea the team he left up there were even alive. It had given strict instruction to not harm the colonist, but even he had to resort to killing a few to even make it down the passageway. "Alenko." He fired another shot hissing at the brutal pain that shot up his side. Blinking, Shepard looked down to see blood flowing freely down his tarnished armor. _How did that happen?_

Cursing, Kaiden let out a wave of his biotic catching a husk and sending him down the dark pit in the center of the room. "Be right there Commander." He assured pressing a hand to his temple to stop the migraine from over taking him.

"They've stopped." Shepard pointed out leaning on a beam for support. Somewhere he heard Ashley check in the same and heard Kaiden's heavy footsteps. Wearily, he lifted his head when he heard a third set, "you've got to be fucking kidding me!"

Alive and well was the Asari charging him at full force. She caught Shepard in a bitotic threw and slammed him against the wall hard enough to crack it. "You will welcome death!"

Shepard rolled trying to shake the blackness away in order to find his gun. There was a ringing in his ears so he wasn't aware that Kaiden was at his side until he nearly knocked the man over. He watched as Kaiden squeezed off two rounds and the Asari was once again dead. "I wanted to do that." He whined.

Kaiden chuckled, "well you got to kill her the first time, it's only fair you share the fun Shepard." He was already working to free a med-gel pack from his belt.

Shepard chuckled and cursed holding a hand to his bleeding side, "don't make me laugh."

The thorian let out a loud howl of pain as Ashley shot down another node. "Only one more to go!" She shouted from across the room, but her triumphant smile vanished when she heard the unmistakable sounds of more creepers. "Fuck me! Incoming you two."

"Kind of busy here." Kaiden cursed ducking when Shepard swung around to shoot from behind their cover. Every time he tried to seal the wound Shepard would move and break it open again. He was down to two last med gel packs and the Commander's body was becoming sluggish. They were going to need him at full operational if they wanted to get out of this situation. "Damn it Shepard you keep moving around like this I can't seal the wound."

"Well some one has to provide cover!" Shepard barked his elbow nearly catching Kaiden in the face. It wasn't like he was doing it on purpose. Every time the med-gel touched his side the scorching pain would settle until he moved and broke open the seal. Each time he did the pain seemed to increase.

"Ash get your ass over here."

Cursing, Ashley fought her way back around and down the passageway so she could get to where Shepard and Kaiden had barracked themselves. One quick look at Shepard's pale face, her heart leapt into her throat. "How is he?" She softly asked squeezing behind the small cover. The amount of blood pooling beside the Commander was almost sickening. In all her years in the Alliance, Ashley never witnessed a human bleeding as much.

"Cranky and well its Shepard." Kaiden grumbled having not other words to describe the man dodging the blast of the gun once again.

"Can you patch him up?"

"I can if he holds still. He keeps firing past my head and knocking me away."

Ashley reached up to place her hand over Shepard's wrist forcing him to lower his weapon. "Shepard we need you to stay still. You're hurt and if Kaiden doesn't help you, you're going to bleed out. Now hold still."

For just a moment, Shepard gave her a puppy dog look as he spoke, "shooting makes me feel better."

Any other time Ashley would have laughed, but now wasn't the time. With luck they would be able to get out of this alive. "Just for once stay down and let us save your ass for once. You're making us all look bad."

Giving in, Shepard collapsed against the barrier as Ashley took over the cover fire. "What the hell are you smiling at Kaiden?"

Kaiden did his best to keep a sober look as he once again applied a nice dose of med-gel to his side. He would have to remember the day at Commander Shepard was sweet talked into stepping out of battle. "I don't think she said 'stare at my ass, Shepard'."

Beside them, Ashley rattled her hips in between burst of fire, "take a good look at it boys because this fine ass is saving yours."

"You know." Shepard breathed a sigh of relief as the pain seem to ebb and fatigue began to take over. "I think I might just sit back more often, the view is a great one." The commander yelped at the sharp prick in his neck and instantly felt his body go on full alert. "Damn it Kaiden way to ruin the buzz!"

"Don't worry commander you can just go back to admiring her ass when you think no one is looking." The biotic supplied helping his friend to his feet one the gunfire ceased. What ever the punishment was for his comment he would take it because it was worth the priceless look of embarrassment on Shepard's face. Despite how crappy this mission was quickly becoming, Kaiden found himself enjoying it more then he should.

"Well now I can't!" Shepard, fighting a blush, pulled his weapon free refusing to meet Ashley's amused gaze. "She's knows!"

Ashley cocked her head to the side resting the assault rifle on her shoulder, "let me let you in on a little secret there, Skipper." Like her comrade, she was enjoying watching Shepard squirm. But never the less they did have a mission to complete and they still had node to cut lose. "I too admire a certain backside when know one is looking."

If he body wasn't hopping from the stim pack Kaiden gave him, Shepard was sure his heart would have leapt from his chest. "Yeah?"

"Alenko's of course." She finished tossing a smile at him before starting back up the walkway to the final node.

Kaiden had to cover his mouth to keep his laughter from spilling out. With one murdering look, he stifled it, swallowed his grin, and started after him.


End file.
